Pushing Poles......

I am fuming angry at this world I am stuck in. I feel like no one even wants to give me space to build my own little house of one room to shelter myself in through those cold nights. They cannot leave me alone. Not they…this world.

It’s overpopulated and overloaded and now it is time to rid itself from what it has too much off. Maybe I am one of those too many things it already has. Or else why would I feel it pushing me so hard against all forces and currents. How ironic! Last night I could not sleep at all because of the windy storms that keep shaking my single-glazed window! Yet…just when I think that perhaps it is time for me to escape to a safe place, a place I called home, where my family resided. I remember the pressure they placed upon me as they too continue to push me to the world, which in return pushes me back to them or to other scattered directions. Now tell me, for the Love of God, where am I to rest in? Within myself? But I cannot….I need physical security…I need some sense of belonging. I don’t want to be a drifter, a traveller, a mere all-time passer-by. I know my parents only want the best for me and that is why they push us back to the world, to make us learn, develop and grow as they are alive and available to support us. Perhaps they worry what would happen of us when they leave this world that is why they prepare us from now on. The only missing ingredient here to their specially-created-recipe is support and unconditional love. Sometimes I feel like the biggest crime I can do to my family is fail reaching their expectations. But as I sit here and look out this window, watch these trees about to be de-rooted from their grounds with their branches shedding leaves faster than the speed of light. It’s a winter storm I think, and it will not settle down until it has blew its’ steam off. These trees resemble us in a way don’t you think so?
I mean we humans struggle to create a solid-ground and root ourselves to it, create a place we belong to, however, from time to time, a strong wind of problems, conflicts, difficulties come along and take us up in a tornado around the world….just adding up to our lost-sensation.

But above of all this, I believe what kept me patient throughout these harsh, tough and rough periods of life is knowing God is around… and that he has a plan for me, for you, for all of us. The only example I can think of at the moment is for instance when you are a parent you let your child play as you watch from a distance without his awareness. You are perfectly aware of the matter that your child might fall and hit himself hard, get hurt, injured or face danger but you persist, hold yourself and allow him the chance to fall, to come in contact with new things, safe and dangerous moments, to face difficult flee-or-fight difficulties and decisions as you observe in silence. I feel as though this is how it is in another more powerful, supernatural, supremely divine and holly spectrum with God in the heavens, in the sky and in every thing around us. Surprisingly enough….Now I feel calmer….could it be the presence of God in my thoughts? {الا بذكر الله تطمإن القلوب}